an amazing homecoming; an amazing first day

absolutely one of the best parts of an adoption journey is walking down the long corridor of the indianapolis airport knowing your family and friends are as anxious as you are to spot each other :)  love that!  sam and hannah were holding hands and walking ahead of sarah, lydia, and me.  i told them they could take off, and take off they did!  and i've been told hannah ran straight to find her baba (daddy :)

thank you dani, amy & crew, melissa & crew, tammy, becki & crew, sandy & crew, teri & mike, sarah, kathy, britt & crew, care bear & tobi, bri & brandon, lydia, and robin for seriously making it the most crazy awesome homecoming ever!  greg and i were blown away at the gift you gave us that night; we will never ever forget it....

our first day home went better than i (and you :) probably even prayed for.  hannah has hit the ground running and not looked back.  i know that she knows that this is home.

phoebe and hannah became quick friends.  phoebe has completely stepped up to the plate and enveloped and loved her.  i think this was the 'therapy' phoebe needed.  when you have several kids within a close age range, natural friendships happen -- sometimes based on age, sometimes personality, sometimes things that don't appear obvious.  i see God's hand all over this now.  it didn't play out like i imagined ("exceedingly abundantly above what i could think or imagine").  sarah and lydia have long been good buddies (a case of opposites attracting in many ways).  i had concerns that hannah would change that in a 'three's a crowd way'.  instead, hannah is a much better match for phoebe in size and maturity.  i realize it is way too early to predict how things will play out, but i have a hunch that these two were destined for each other :)  as mom to a kiddo whose heart has been indelibly smashed like phoebe's has, you have no idea how much joy this brings me.  hannah is a gift to all of our family and especially phoebe.  God knew :)

from the bottom of our hearts, we thank you for the love and support you have shown us.  love poured out.  you, sweet friends, are exceedingly abundantly above what i could think or imagine.

love from home.  xoxoxo

.... and thanks to my precious sister deb for standing in my blogging gap :)

at least we will remember sarah's 10th birthday

sarah started her birthday puking and running a high fever. spent the day in bed.  she ended her birthday with hannah puking in the van all the way from guangzhou to hong kong from extreme motion sickness (remember her filling barf bags on our first flight a week ago?)

gives new meaning to "party till you puke" huh?  sorry, couldn't resist :)

pray us home please....

ps.  actually sarah's birthday ended at 10:00 with Alex stopping by the airport as we were checking in :) and singing 'happy birthday' to her.  love that man...

countdown

a friend, sarah, has been sending me daily prayers.  they have strengthened me greatly.  today's was for our transition back to home.  that was nice to see :) and will be much needed.  it is so easy to think this is the end of the journey ... and then i realize she hasn't even met half the family :).  everybody will shift positions, sibling relationships will be altered, more room will be made at the counter :).  a new normal will eventually fall into place.  coming home will find us walking that fine line of 'keeping it real' with those few folks that are your inner circle and 'keeping it what you hope it will become' with the rest of folks whom you couldn't or wouldn't share everything :) and that folks is why the adoption community is a tightly knit group.  they are a safe place.

i distinctly remember being at the airport again three days after getting home with abe and lydia (for a friend's adoption homecoming).  i plastered a smile on my face but was a mess inside.  i was thinking that i, with eight kids in tow, would never be able to leave the house again :).  in the beginning, being in public is where it is tough for me.  grace, jan.  let His grace be enough and don't focus on others' expectations.

consulate appointment, check.  completely uneventful and strikingly similar to being at the BMV with hyped up security :) and our finale (!!!!) was the pearl river riverboat cruise.  the buildings along the river go on and on and on.  and on.  and on.  the sheer volume of people here is just staggering.  1.4 billion about with india closely behind at 1.1 billion.  and way way way behind those two is the USA at 400 million - 1 billion less than here.  and most of them are without The Savior.  if you would right now, please say a prayer for paul and ben (our bellboy buddies in nanchang) and linda and joanne (alex's friends).  all of them know of Him, but don't know Him.... yet :)

see the needle-like top of the rainbow lit skyscraper?  it is the tallest building in china right now.  and if i heard our guide correctly, you can bungee from it!!!  not sure which is crazier?  this or the tiger trainers?  {{ i laughed at your comment yesterday, kathy.... about not being in my natural habitat :).  you nailed it! }}

we are up early to do our first breakfast buffet at this hotel -- it is $125 for us to have breakfast (do i hear a collective "ouch!"?).  it is sarah's 10th birthday so we are splurging :).  then off to shamian island to do a little shopping since i was in nostalgic lalaland last time and didn't have a plan whatsoever.  actually i still don't have one, but whatever :)

and then we head back to pack (!!!!!!!!), get a group photo, pick up child's visa (!!!!!!!!), and head to hong kong for an early flight thursday morning to home (!!!!!!!!).

love from guangzhou one last time :).  xoxo

koalas, pandas, tigers

the safari park was good, but hard.  i have a tough time seeing animals not living in their natural habitat.  i know, i know...call me pollyanna.  so, the positives -- the wide variety of animals were amazing and God was showing off in some of these species.  utterly amazing the details He attended to to ensure they have exactly what they need to survive.  and seriously, is there anything cuter (other than your kids :) than a panda or koala?!!  there are also in this park 200 white tigers of the 500 in the world.  beautiful creatures.

watching them perform however was... what words to describe?  sad?  scary? they looked healthy for sure. but also afraid, extremely hot, mad even?  can you imagine being in a small pen with 11 unhappy tigers?  me either.

the first week my whining focused on time crawling.at.a.snail's.pace.  so this week, let us change our focus to the heat :).
oh.my.goodness.i.can't.adequately.describe.it.so.i.won't.even.try.

but the whining won't be outdone because the praises are countless!!!  the newest ranger for one :)  {{and can i just brag for a minute?  after each animal exhibit, there just happens to be a gift shop.  think probably 10 shops with gazillions of stuffed animals and assorted paraphernalia (they were open to the outdoors, but had AC so it's not like you wanted to avoid them :).  hannah didn't ask for one stinking thing, thank you very much:) }}  back to name just a few of the praises i'm always aware of -- other than sarah's weird allergy thing, no one has been sick here or at home!  can i get an amen?!!  and we've made amazing new friends; been shown amazing hospitality by alex and company; stayed in amazing hotels with amazing beds, pools, and showers; have an amazing sister who is retyping and posting every blog post for me; and have amazing friends back home praying and staying in touch!  honestly, it has been an amazing trip!  so, why have i whined?  because i'm a brat.  can you be a brat, but still be grateful?  because i am both :)

tomorrow is consulate day!  stay tuned for the soon-to-be cutest American citizen in a crazy cute pink chinese outfit (and it cost all of $8!!!).

lots of love from guangzhou.  xoxoxo

Holy is the Lord

there is nothing quite like being in another country and worshiping with believers.... every culture praises in different styles but the Focus is the same and it is awesome to be part of it.  this church is a bi-lingual service meaning it lasts twice as long:) but it is so very worth it!  when the first song (sung in english) was "holy is the Lord, God Almighty, the earth is filled with His glory.... and TOGETHER we sing, EVERYONE sing,".... i felt completely undone.  at home, i have never once raised my hands in praise and today there was no way i was keeping them down!  it felt so freeing to show Him love in this way :).  i hold back at home feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable.  i truly don't know why.  has anyone else felt like this before?  it made me realize i keep my focus on myself instead of Him....

shopping was as fun as i was sure it would be:).  i gave sam, sarah, and lydia each 200 RMB (about $30) so they could make their own decisions and bargains :)  sam and lydia spent every penny on siblings and friends.  they were so cute going through every person and searching out the perfect item.  made my heart happy that they understood the joy of giving.  it is way more fun to give!

hannah is in the period of showing me every.single.item by calling "MOMMY!!!!"  my ratio of 'no' to 'yes' was about 415,547:1.  is there hope she will see a pattern?!

sarah had a funky allergic reaction to something in the first shop (before church where we dropped off laundry).  my guess is that it was a pregnant cat that she was petting forever (she could have cared less about looking at the stuff because of the cat :).  she tells me she can't stop scratching her face and then i realized the rash was everywhere.  thank God a mom had one Benadryl and within 30 minutes it was better enough that we felt like church was doable.  she has never had that happen before so maybe chinese cats have something ours don't :).  sandy and teri - learn from me and bring lice treatment and allergy medicine :(

time to eat and swim :).  big (code:  long and hot :) day tomorrow at the safari park and i hope it promises what everyone raves about.  being the ginormous animal lovers that we are, i can't imagine we will be disappointed....

love from guangzhou for only 72 more hours!!!!!  happy dance :)  xoxo

divine appointment

i'm so excited!  time has been zipping along at normal speed!!!!  since i wrote last, we've said our bittersweet farewells to lisa and nanchang, had hannah's first plane ride (and subsequent filling of barf bags), gotten settled into guangzhou, completed the medical examination, eaten mexican with chinese waitresses :) and had the complete blessing of ministering to a mom who needed a divine appointment.  you know the times when you do something that you wouldn't normally do?  and only later do you realize it was a prompting of the Holy Spirit?  i don't mean that to sound all spiritual or holy or anything smacking of 'me' because honestly i know i had nothing to do with it.  if i would have had anything to do with it, it wouldn't have happened.  i hope that some part of that made sense because it was really a beautiful thing that God allowed me to be a part of.  a deeply hurting mom and a mom (me) who recognized herself in this mom's pain.

do you not love the wine vending machine in the lobby of the health clinic?!  (nice transition of paragraphs...LOL!)

broke my heart today as hannah struggled with even her 'good' right eye to see the eye chart from just a short distance away.  my guess is that her vision is really crummy in the right eye and i pray glasses will open up a new and brighter world for our sweet girl.  love her to pieces and realizing each day how easy of a transition we've had so far....

our friendship with julie and brian has been so gooooood.  he's a man's man, funny, adventuresome (which is great for a sissy wink like myself who wouldn't venture far :).  they have been an amazing blessing to the kids and me.

phoebe texted me her weight today -- 55 lbs.  hannah packs it in at 42 :)  not even kidding when i say i carry her on my hips like a toddler.  crazy!

calling it a (good) day because we are up early to go to church on shamian island and then shopping :):):).  i'm not even a shopper outside of amazon and walmart, and i'm excited for the nostalgic trip :)  it so much symbolizes china adoption.  it is your reward for a year long accomplishment of paper-chasing insanity!!!

i know we are in the home stretch and it is easy to let us fall off your prayer radar :), but i hope you will continue until we a safely on home soil;  i thinking they are what has carried us this far.

love from guangzhou.  xoxoxo

safely in guangzhou

groundhog day

'nuff said?!!  mixed up the swimming and eating routine with a trip to an old, old pagoda.  the sweat must have pooled in my ears because i seriously cannot tell you one single fact about it.  but the pictures are proof we were there :).  the only two pictures of the day are so ummmm.... boring?  weird?  in the one, we have typical tourists.  in the other, we have sarah as sergeant, hannah as soldier, sam with pursed lips (on purpose he says for reasons only he knows), and lydia ready to smack herself or more likely sam.  those two are salt and pepper; like an old married couple who like each other but won't admit it :)

hannah continues to do really well.  she tells our guide she is ready to go to america.  as our time in her province slowly/finally winds down, i have a better appreciation of why this time has been valuable.  it gave her a chance to adjust to a new family while being in comfortable, familiar surroundings.  she deserves that, and so much more.

we've had numerous people tell us (via lisa) how well she speaks mandarin and how smart she is.  she's a talker, buddy.  i let her sit in the front seat of the taxi (have i mentioned that i thank God every time we arrive at our destination?) and she carries a conversation with the driver the entire time.  absolutely no idea what she is saying other than the occasional "mama" :)

it is 7:27 here and i have hit the proverbial wall.  was up at the God-forsaken hour of 5:30.  and tomorrow, it is a sad truth that i am seriously stoked about packing!!!!  when packing sounds fun, you know you are messed up :).  Lord willing, tomorrow will take us to the steamy, sauna-like city known as guangzhou.  which can only mean one thing -- one small step closer to the place i call home.  our doorman, paul, told me today that the indiana pacers won yesterday (i acted like i knew they'd played :) and thought it cute that he'd remembered there were hoosiers in his hotel :)

love from nanchang.

house call

[[ my heart hurts for the people affected by the tornado in oklahoma.  so so sad to hear, and pray for God to bring His hope to them. ]]

...and as we were just reminded, holy smokes, can this girl burp!  seriously, last night in the restaurant she burped so stinking loud that it took us a minute to figure out what had happened :)  not.even.kidding.

this will be brief because my poor sister has to retype :) and sorry for the poor quality iphone pictures (i'm assuming they are since i can't view them on the blog :) because of the inability to transfer camera photos to a device that i can email from, the phone is all i got.  at least it is something :)

things continue to go well.  trust me when i say that i've been on the other side of things not going well.  i am very, very grateful for the lack of drama.  i have thanked Him countless times for safety, no sickness, relatively easy transition (on my part anyway, hannah may have a different version :), the company of my kids here, regular texts and emails from home, and prayers of friends.  i am thankful.

today, our guide (lisa) took us to a beautiful park and this time there were trees and flowers!!! who knew?!  hannah rode a carousel and was just lit up with happy!  so it was here that lisa casually mentions that she is concerned maybe hannah has lice.  i say, "oh no, i think it is a dry scalp."  and then i scratch my head and think (sorry!!! i couldn't resist the pun!!!), "am i really that stupid to not have thought of lice one time even though the kids are telling me that hannah has bad 'dandruff'?"  yes, i am that stupid.  lisa arranges for a doctor (awesome guy especially for only charging 200 RMB or $32.50 US dollars!) to come to the hotel and i get my first experience in treating head lice with chinese spirits (a type of alcohol).  so here hannah sits with two large hotel towels covering her head for three hours.  he assured me that it is just leftover dead lice and the rest of us should be fine.  i should feel comforted but i'm left scratching my head (sorry!) over the creepiness of these little varmints.

i'm realizing this is getting long...sorry, deb!  love you :)

remember my cockiness yesterday about how easy this adoption stuff is?  yeah, well i do :)  i didn't seriously think that she wouldn't test the boundaries again so soon, right?  she got her first time out today at the pool.  she refused to hand lydia the room card.  she clearly knew what we wanted and the little poop just shook her head 'no'.  repeatedly.  i had her sit in a lounge chair and said 'bad'.  oh, how i prayed she wouldn't get up and take off to show me who's boss (being boss of a new kiddo in a foreign country isn't very realistic, but let's don't tell her that :).  she stayed and then i told her she could get up.  she ever so cautiously stood up and smiled.  a few minutes later she is bringing me things in an attempt to suck up.  works for me :)  at least she recovers quickly and doesn't hold a grudge.  at least, not yet anyway.

and just one more endearing thing.... she is usually first to have her hands folded ready to pray before meals. be still my heart.  twice, she has said, "mommy!", and shows me her folded hands before i have even started to pray.  melts me into a puddle.

one more day winds down here.  i think there are 48 hours in each day here.  if i could only squeeze all this free time into a time capsule, i'd bottle it and bring it home with me.  love from nanchang.

p.s.  today in the park, we sang "jingle bells" and "edelweiss" with two men practicing their flute and accordion.  their song picks :)  only in china would you experience such odd things that somehow seem completely normal.

time

i remember one time in haiti having a conversation with mike smith about time.  pretty much everywhere you went, there were people just sitting around.  literally doing nothing.  hanging out with their thoughts.  mike said something to the effect of ‘gives new meaning to killing time.’  here, i can relate.  i realize how many minutes are in a day.  at home, the minutes fly!  here they plod along, but it is funny how you settle in a hotel routine sort of way.  it involves eating and swimming.  and eating and swimming.  and the next day?  eating and swimming :)  oh!  today we got really crazy and added in shooting nerf bullets at each other by standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling window 20 stories up.  the excitement just never stops in the hotel life :)

i think it is compounded because the few weeks before adoption travel, you become a crazy woman.  just ask the husband:)  and then you get on the plane and sit.  screeching halt!

on to way more important things – hannah.  she is doing so stinking great!  back to the first two paragraphs … i think that is also part of the reason why being here seems weird.  it is like she has been my daughter for a long time already.  in just two short days, we’ve leaped into familiar territory.  i know, i know!  we’ve only just begun.  but seriously, she feels natural, comfortable.

today, i chose my first battle with her.  over a silly chicken nugget.  our family policy is pretty much you don’t leave food.  eat it and move on.  well, she made it clear that she wasn’t eating more than one.  i let sarah eat two and she still told me “no” to the last one.  a child telling the parent “no” never sits well :) and i decide that we should clear the table of everything but the nugget.  lydia remembers her three-hour confrontation with broccoli casserole when she’d only been home about a week.  that girl sat at the table that day for three hours.  so lydia is remembering this and asks “are we really going to sit here for three hours?”  i said, “i hope not, but we might.”  hannah tells me ‘no’ again and i tap the giant box of fake barbie stuff she’d just bought with her own money.  i tell her in words she didn’t understand one bit, but she caught my drift because she stuffed the nugget in her mouth and ate it.  i said ‘good girl’, handed her the barbie box, and we were on our way.  smart girl :)  when she isn’t happy about something, she does a little growl of defiance.  we’ll be working on that one next :)

she’s cute as a bug.  not sure what it is about her, but she is endearing for sure.  maybe it is the way she says ‘mommy’.  maybe it’s 100 things all wrapped up.  it is interesting because her blind eye is just part of who she is.  i can’t imagine her any other way.

sam, sarah, and lydia are such blessings …. they are good travelers and helpers.  they’ve been great with hannah.  i credit them with the easy transition.  well, i obviously credit God and His amazing little helpers known as siblings :)

there is another holt family here, julie and brian.  we adore them!  first adoption, seasoned, but young parents of three kids back home.  we walked the city with them last night and the fellowship was just awesome.  ever had people that you just instantly really, really like?  i know you have; they are like that.  we ended up at an outdoor park (silly people if you are thinking nature, trees, animals, fresh air!!!)  we are in china!  a park means lots and lots and lots of concrete and lots and lots and lots of people :)  but they do fun things like have bright lights in circles under the ground, guys flying incredible kites incredibly high in the air, and people blowing giant bubbles everywhere.  a little kid (and big kid) paradise, chinese style :)

signing off because i’m just sure it is time to eat or swim!  or maybe we’ll get really adventuresome and play cards or something :)  love from nanchang.

diamond in the rough

that pretty much describes the newest ranger.  truth be told, i’d guess that describes all the rangers :)  hannah is a little firecracker.  she’s tiny as a bug, but has a big personality.  she seems pretty confident about herself and isn’t afraid of much anything so far.  i think she was well-prepared by the agency and none of this has caught her off guard.  it is what her little mind had expected, i think.  she gives and receives affection well.  i laughed this morning as i took an early morning shower (shocking for me :) and in she walks to the glass shower and says “mommy!” and in all my chunky glory, i said “and good morning to you, girl!”  nice way to break any getting to know you awkwardness :)

one of the best parts of traveling (i’m looking for all the reasons to tell myself i should not be wishing my time away :) is meeting other adoptive families.  seriously, they are some of the nicest people!  everyone is overjoyed, yet exhausted.  relieved to be at this stage, yet homesick.  content, yet restless.  actually, maybe all those are just me…. i can’t imagine being here without  the comradery of these people.

the days are long here.  maybe i’m just not used to so much downtime :)  can you tell the homesickness has settled in a little too comfortably this afternoon?  i’ll need to work on that once again.  if you could offer up a prayer, i’d take that, too :)  lydia is feeling it even more than me.  i think that is good for her.  a dose of appreciation for your family and home is always a good thing.

i found out that if you want to blog from china, you need to download a vpn before leaving.  how i missed that one i’m not sure….  thank the Lord for a capable and willing sister :)

we are off to swim again.  squeals of delight never get old.

chinese proverb for the day:  a black cat or a white cat doesn’t matter; if it can catch a mouse, it is a good cat.

and with that incredible wisdom, i’ll sign off for the day.  thanking Him for the precious gift of this little girl.  you are going to love her, i promise.  hugs from nanchang :)

what i know so far :)

she's a peanut (they had sent measurements saying 40 lbs. and now i believe it ;), raspy voice and laugh, smart, trusting, happy, will get frustrated soon with us i'm guessing for not having a clue what she's saying, talkative. did i mention she's little (i can seriously carry get on my hip like you would a toddler).

relief fills us tonight. made a friend today whose laptop i will use and i will write more. thanks to you for praying in the night... answered prayer. xoxo

anticipation

well, my great attempt to get around the firewall wasn't so great. not even good :). my sweet sis is posting for me and pecking away a long post on an iPhone would take days, so .... i am praying (seriously praying to blog.  sad!) that I can find someone to help get unblocked tomorrow and I will post hannah pics :).

going to bed trusting God will give her and me everything we need to begin an amazing mom-daughter love. it is times like now, i feel the power of stepping out in faith. believing and holding tight to the faith that has brought us this far.

we've had amazing hospitality shown to us that i have to find a way to put up that long post that is building inside :)

safely pooped :)

we arrived safely in Hong Kong and was ever so happy to get off the plane :)

miles from Chicago to Hong Kong:  7,889 (one of longest flights available)
number of sneezes made on said flight:  489
number of times i said 'God bless you' in my head:  489
number of times little girl in front of us puked:  2
number of times i thanked the Lord for the journey:  countless :)
number of times i thought about how physically crummy i'd feel the next few days:  countless :(

heading out today with Alex and he always provides a great great time.  a man of God and fun :)

sooo hoping that sleep will come tonight.   five hours over two days just is tough.  hate sounding whiny, but whatever :).  so want so much to feel decent when Hannah arrives in 2.5 days!!!  speaking of sweet girl, please pray that fear and grief are in a healthy amount and that God allows peace and joy to settle in quickly....

It has been so good to be getting incoming texts and emails.  it is a moment by moment choice i have to make to be 'fully present' here (Charlotte - your perfect phrase from our Haiti trip :) with half of my heart back at home.  

at times like these - these crazy journeys of the adoptive heart - you realize just how many people are rallying for you and storming Heaven's gate on your behalf.   thanks guys for all you are doing.  

closer yet :)

in the last few days, we've gotten the call for TA (travel approval issued by china) and a confirmed embassy appointment (issued by USA).  woot woot!  flights have been booked to leave may 15th which is always good for helping you realize this really might be happening :)  sam and i figured it out last night that we are right at the end of a 9-month pregnancy, so it is time to get this baby moving :)

we received yet another new picture and update on hannah cai qi.  is she not just the cutest thing?  it all gets surreal at this stage.  the good Lord willing, in about a month, she will be participating in our friday night eating chicken wings and watching a movie weekly event.  crazy stuff.

she's come to life!

before and after.  photos taken a month apart.  doesn't have a family; has a family.  isn't it incredible to see her come to life before your eyes?!!

holt has been nothing short of awesome.  we've gotten more information in the last two months on lu cai qi than all the adoptions combined.  the orphanage staff took her and her foster dad to a hotel so the holt staff person could meet with cai qi. they talked about lots of things that we'd asked about.  cai qi is excited, but scared about learning the language.  she is over-the-moon happy to have a family, but will miss her foster family alot.  these are good and healthy emotions.

we went to chris tomlin last night (amazing amazing!) and many times i had thoughts of cai qi coming to the know the One who made her.  maybe next year, we can take her and she can be up praising and singing and dancing and weeping over His Goodness to our family :)

loa :)

it had seemed liked the 21st was a good date in our adoption timeline.  and it is for sure now :)  our LOA from china arrived yesterday and we got the fun call this morning.  expected travel:  may 17th, Lord willing.  i am definitely more excited than nervous.  let the nesting begin :)  below is a sweet note that we just received yesterday too from lu cai qi's teacher.  love getting a glimpse into her personality.   

Teacher's Comment on Lu Cai Qi

You are a very lovely and innocent child. You are polite. Whenever seeing me, you say Hello to me. You are good at the subjects and there is no need for me to worry about your study. I enjoy reading the short compositions you wrote. The sentences are smooth and the composition is interesting and your handwriting is neat. I couldn't help sharing your short composition on the class. I suggest you read more, which will be very helpful to your writing. If you keep reading, maybe you will become a writer in the future. I admire your tenacious and persistent personality. You have your own unique views on many issues. You are my good helper. You have done great job in helping me to deal with daily issues of the class. You will be better if you can be more careful. Please do more reading. You'll learn more from reading and it will keep you to be outstanding always. 

we took a winter break this week and i have LOVED reading, reading, reading, and sleeping, sleeping, sleeping.  two of my favorite things which it seems i'm always in short supply of getting.   and a little thing that meant so much and i want to remember it -- i had a girls' night out monday night with suzanne, lydia, and kristen.  we peeled ourselves out of our seats at applebee's at 11:45 pm and probably could have talked another 3 hours, truth be told.  i had dropped ben off at josie's house at 7 and was actually going to be somewhere early!  i was driving to plainfield and thought, "'how could i have forgotten to grab a book?" i needed to drop a big load off at goodwill and i thought maybe i will have time to run in dollar tree or family Christian bookstore to grab one.  when i pulled into goodwill, i saw their book rack was in the front window.  so i swung around and ran in.  i grabbed four books that i knew nothing about.  one of them was exactly exactly what i needed.  it is called "the case for faith" by lee strobel (atheist turned believer well-know for his book "the case for Christ").  he addresses the "big 8" obstacles that keeps so many people from following Christ.  two of these are things i've struggled to understand better for a very long time.  and someone very close to me struggles with several of the 8.  lee interviews several highly-esteemed experts in each area -- people who have spent their lives studying them.  it gave insights into God that spoke volumes to me.  i thank Him for allowing me to draw closer and for His love for me in spite of all the shortcomings and questions.  He is the Best.  

the expression

her expression, in realizing she really has a family, spoke volumes.  i see joy.  i feel relief.  i realize that my worries over whether she dreams to be adopted were unfounded.  and i think i see dimples :)

in my heart, i imagine that she is thinking... ."yes, me.  i was finally picked!"  lu cai qi has been waiting on the waiting child list since 2007.   we were told not one family had inquired about her.  is it because of her eye?  i'm guessing that it was.  my mom once embroidered a picture that read "the eye is the window to the soul."  it always stayed with me.  

our new girl, little hannah lu cai qi, is 9 and lives in jiangxi, china.  from the pictures we've received, it is a very poor area.  she lives with a foster family and has for a long time.  from what we've been told, her foster family tells her often that she will live a happy life if she can be adopted."  i hope she has had some happy there too.  

this photo came with a note that said "she also told the elder people her neighbors that she would have family and parents would pick up her several months later."  brag, sweet girl, brag!

so why call this blog "finally picked"?  when we adopted abigail two plus years ago, there was a vimeo video clip that showed a little chinese orphanage girl hoping to one day be picked.  each time an adoptive family would come to the orphanage, she would hope that she would be picked.  but her time didn't come.  and didn't come.  until one day she was 'finally picked!"

the heartbreak is that these kids think something is wrong with them causing people to not pick them.  nothing could be further from the truth.  

the build-up and some background :)

well, we were done.  like-seriously-shook-hands-in-ethiopia-done.  well, so much for that pact.  greg and i both blame sandy allen.  while on a summer rollerskate date (7 moms, 43 kids :), she says, "you're not really done."  i said, "no, really we are.  greg had even used capital letters DONE."   she said, "don't believe it" to which i reply, "okay, i could maybe be swayed, but greg is firm."  she said, "so what if i found a little girl?"  i told her to take that up with smurf as i was not getting involved :)

wasn't more than a week later, she emails and said she sent greg a picture.  at breakfast one morning, he tells me he got an email from sandy.  i act shocked.  even though she had sent it to me too.  i comment that the little girl's name is lucinda and when i was young, i'd always said i'd name my little girl lucy (we've since settled on hannah, but know God used that name to get my attention).  a few days pass and he comments that dr. wehrle, our family eye doctor, would need to look at her file.  wasn't more than five minutes after he leaves for work that i call dr. wehrle :)  he says regarding her eyes, it is basically a crapshoot.  she could have decent vision or none at all.  well, i told dr. wehrle thanks for narrowing that down for us :).  her paperwork had said she would probably need a corneal transplant.  dr. wehrle also says that the #1 corneal transplant surgeon in the entire world is in indianapolis.  he said, "jan, that ain't no coinkidink."  i'm thinking it ain't either.

so, i tell greg about dr. wehrle's feedback.  nothing else gets said for a couple of days.  i'm in the 'holy moly.  i seriously cannot believe we may be heading down this road again.'  but just like being pregnant, you get used to the idea really quickly.  and then one evening, everybody's getting ready to watch a movie.  i'm in our closet putting clothes away.  greg hollers to ask me where 'that picture' is?  i play dumb.  "what picture?"  "the one of the little girl sandy sent."  he then finds it on his ipad and asks sarah, "do you think this could be your little sister?"  and i knew.  we are heading down this road again.

and there were two seemingly small things that were my Godwinks.   i wear lots of random, cheap bracelets.  i'd had a particular silly band on for a looong time.  i'd gotten sam a package of Peanuts ones for Christmas and he'd given me one.  i'd never noticed it said anything on it until one day i'm in the car at the library waiting.  my arm is resting on the steering wheel and i notice my silly band said "LUCY".  always had, i'd just never seen it.  to prove that yes, i'm really as wacky as you may already think - i've had a favorite number since 7th grade.  1154.  it makes me smile, and smurf and my kids love nothing more than pointing them out to me.  on license plates, on clocks, on things you'd never expect to find 1154, but they do :).  our family will now have 11 people.  5 girls, 4 boys.  

we go through the wringer with holt to get approved since we already have 8 kids in the home.  to say we were warmed up to begin the homestudy process is an understatement.  in hindsight, it was good to have to think through all the things they wanted to know.  it just didn't feel like it at the time :)

we drove to maine late august for our vacation (btw, totally recommend maine as a vacation destination).  i had decided a couple days before that i wasn't going on a china mission trip with greg, abigail, and sam in october.  i'd been planning on going for months, but was feeling extra crazy trying to get kid coverage, begin the homestudy process, and kick-off a big church project.  imploding on myself comes to mind.  one of the toughest things i've done was to send those three 8,000 miles away for two weeks.  faith-builder.  anyway, back to driving to maine.  i had emailed our good good hong kong friend who was helping coordinate the mission trip that i wasn't now going on.  i tried to convince him i had a good reason -- we were adopting again and that i'd be doing that trip in the spring, Lord willing.  of course, he wanted pictures of the newest ranger (he was with us throughout abi's adoption and was a G.o.d.s.e.n.d.)  i email him the information and he replies that he has a new buddy who is a U.S. eye surgeon and can he forward it to him?  (the october mission trip was to perform cataract surgeries on the elderly in a remote village so alex was in eye mode :).  i told him sure and didn't think much of it.  until i have an email within the hour from the director of opthalmology of the cleveland clinic!  an amazing Christian man.  he reviews the additional medical file that holt had sent us.  he said it is highly unlikely that a corneal transplant would be the way to go at this point but our top priority most likely will be to get an artificial eye in what he called the 'lazy, undeveloped eye'.  he said because this eye has no use or vision (at least that is what the medical information reports), her orbital bones have not grown and that side of her face will grow asymmetrically if a larger eyeball isn't there to trigger growth.  or at least that was my understanding of what he said :).  we've learned about other special needs throughout our adoptions, so we are counting on God to help us with this one also.

each adoption is different, but one thing that seems to run consistently is feeling very close to the heart of God while simultaneously being under serious attack by the evil one.  guess that means you are doing the right thing, huh?  and it probably goes without saying, He is the master at changing stubborn old hearts who think they've got things figured out.

timeline stuff:
7/2      rollerskate date that started it all
8/2      application to holt
8/21    pre-approval from china (PA)
10/21  filed with USCIS
12/21  dossier to china (DTC)
12/27  log-in with china (LID)
2/1      confirmation that she knows!